Does this really hae to be the end?

So I don't have any sweet song lyric to put up or really anything witty to put up here, but I thought that it would be good to do one last post before I set off on the long journey home.

I know that I have expressed great fear about coming home, but as time has passed my fear is not as much for myself, rather more for some of the people on this trip. Today in class we spent a great deal of time trying to find words to express personal feelings. This proved to be a difficult task and only after repetition did the words start to flow in a more fluid way. This was then related to how we are going to make meaning to our people back at home, and the reality that some may not understand, and we have to accept that as being "ok". I know that I have made some kick ass friends here and no matter what we have this experience here to keep us all connected. We have planned ways to raise money for a family that we worked closely with in the township, made summer plans and are looking forward being each other's support system upon arrival in the States. They always say that going home is much harder then leaving in the first place, and I still don't know why that is, but that will prove to be one of the biggest challenges for many of us.
I am so lucky to go home to people that understand me, have been through similar experiences or have been by me as I have done it in the past. For some students this was their first trip outside of the Midwest and as you have read this has been an emotionally charged 3 weeks.

I have only been able to express a limited amount of my time and emotions here in South Africa. Some are too personal and I am unable to literally type them out on the computer. Some I saved to share with people upon arrival but all of them have shaped me into a different person than I was on May 25th. But a good person, not some scary self-righteous wannabe.

I will hopefully be keeping up on the blog upon arrival so you can here first hand accounts of the reverse culture shock that so many hear about, but for now I must go and get ready for our final dinner with some wonderful people, perhaps some tears and a lot of laughs!

ciao for now
lots of love and peace!

What is passion??

“ children will play in the streets loving everyone they meet,

  open hearts will be the rhythm of day.

  neighbors will greet each other,

  sisters, brothers; even enemies will come to be friends-

  I can’t wait to be there in line.”

I am having an internal dilemma with my current situation.  After being done with school and having studied abroad three different times you would think I would have some clarity in my life, when the reality of the situation is I could not be more confused. I am confused about my next steps, confused why I just spent 100$ on gifts for people that are not even necessary, confused how I will be able to live out my passions and just life in general. 

I am also confused about South Africa.  For the most part we have been given everything on a silver platter, I mean we even have been fortunate enough to have our own personal taxi service, housekeepers as well the most hospital group of people I have even met.  We have been exposed to the not so pretty aspects as well, but even then in the Townships we were treated as royalty. I have felt challenged to think in a way that I never have before, but wish that I would have been challenged to get out into the community more often.  I guess this should have been something that I sought out for myself, but it is hard, when at times you feel pressure to be with a large group. I also am realizing a strong difference between white South Africa and black South Africa, as I spend more times in shopping areas, heading out to bars and my time in the Township as well. THis is a difference is something that is hard to accept even though it is basically slapping you in the face all of the time.  

I wanted so badly to stay so I could do some of those things that you can’t do when you are constantly surrounded by a group of Americans as well are limited by a 3 week period.  Unfortunately I have been in a constant conflict with STA, (so much for being a helpful student travel agency) and seeing that we are booked on a group flight, it is hard to get anything different. I know that I will come back to South Africa, I know that I have some unfinished business here and more exploring that I need to do. Ouma at inter-study made me think that I really could build a life here, I want so badly to try and do that. I want to be able to help get young people to do some of the exact same things that I have done, and really convey the value of travel and culture. This has become a passion of mine.

Today in class we had an emotional filled conversation that ended up focusing on the differences between a personal passion and personal interest.  Some felt that they were completely different qualities while I may have thought that they were intertwined.  Either way, we did agree that a passion was a way of life and putting your all into that action.  Some through the terms around loosely while others felt intense emotion with them.  Aaron (our teacher) did a good job of throwing out different questions and we all felt genuinely challenged when putting our passions, abilities and lack there of, into words. I can not lie that I have been constantly challenged to personal reflect and put to words my passions, cares, wants and future work for when I get back.  I now am trying to figure out a way to live out these answers that I have been coming up with as life goes on while back in the States. 

I feel like I have been repeating my self a lot in these blogs, but it is the only way to make all of my ideas become a reality. 

Currently we only have two more days left here in South Africa, hard to believe!! These last few days consist of classroom work, traditional African meals, a grill out with some of the greatest people we have met here in South Africa, intense emotion, packing and getting ready for over 24 hours of travel time back home!

I have a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I finish my time here, but more sweet then anything. I can’t say it enough, but I am excited to sit down and have conversations with all of my friends and families about this wonderful place on earth.  

ciao for now

peace

Sweeeeet Life

" Take a holiday in Spain,

  Leave my wings behind me,

 Drive this little girl insane,

  Fly away to somewhere new

  Fly away to somewhere new

SO these last few days have been more then intense! 

I am still taking time to make sense of our time in the townships.  The service work that we did there will create life long imprints from within. The people that we have met the stories that we have listened to and the images that we have witnessed has challenged my inner core!

More then anything I have come to understand the power of listening~! It is a hard skill to master and being an active listener can be a coveted trait.  Most of our lecture time has been spent listening to peoples personal stories and asking those hard to ask and understand questions.  I was amazed the variety of stories that people had and different outlook regarding the meaning of leadership.  Also the fact that everyone who told their stories seemed to hold very little back, even when the stories consisted of many hardships.  Most of the time I just sat there in complete “awww” wondering how some people were so strong.  Among us students tears were shed, gut filled laughs were had, and above all a deep questioning of self took place. It is crazy to re-examine your life in such an extreme way after only being somewhere for 2 weeks. 

On to some less serious stuff! The food and hospitality that we experienced while in the township was priceless.  I seriously dream about the fatty delicious food that was consumed all last week. 

~ Friday was our final full day in the township and we spent some kick ass time doing service work within a school there. 

~  Saturday we went on a winery tour in the beautiful mountains surrounding Cape Town.  Talk about a total and complete difference of life.  It was hard to see such beauty and lush resources, when you know there are other such hardships faced in the same place. 

~ Sunday was perhaps one of the most scary days of my life.  The day started at around 5 in the morning, and a few of us were picked up in a huge van and brought about and hour out of the city.  After a few hours we were on our way to go shark diving with some great white sharks in the ocean. We all were able to have our own half hour in a cage on the surface of the ocean.  There was chum that was surrounding the cage and within 15 minutes we were surrounded by HIUGE great white sharks.  It was not until Me, Kate and TJ had our chance to go in the cage that things started to get wild! After patiently waiting for some sharks to show up we were surprised when some of the sharks were acting somewhat wild!  At one point I was so panicked that I started to scream under water and filled my mouth with mass amounts of salt water, as a result I had to come up for air and all of a sudden I saw the shark’s HUGE mouth caught on our cage with his razor sharp teeth.  LIterally the head of the shark was less then a foot from the ladies face next to me! The whole boat of people were cheering on from outside of the cage while I was screaming and kate was swearing! Hands down one of the most exhilarating experiences I have ever witnessed! 

~ Monday we were able to go back to University of Cape Town and spend time reflecting about out time in the Townships as well as make meaning about our time here.  Again we were pressed to question controversial issues, discuss our feelings with each other and share some of our memorable times over the the past two weeks. At times we wonder if we have a skewed view of South Africa and if our bias have influenced some of what we have done and at times we feel completely lucky to be able to push the boundaries and are proud of our accomplishments.  All very normal feelings when trying to make sense of cross-cultural ideas. 

Later in the afternoon we were able to relax a little bit and go and do some shopping at the Green Market Square.  I actually learned the true art of bargaining, and the fact that being somewhat stubborn you are able to get mostly what you want.  I was able to buy some gifts for friends and family back home as well as a few items for myself. I even debated purchasing a pair of 70 dollar shoes, but realized that was absolutely ridiculous, and not living out my idea of a more simplified lifestyle.  Whatever the case my time here is quickly coming to an end and it is hard to believe. 

Today we have had the day off from jammed packed activities and it has been nice to chill out for a little while. (Don’t worry Aaron, I have been trying to catch up on my leadership reading this afternoon) To my surprise the Counting Crows are playing at an outdoor venue this evening for only 30 American dollars.  So you better believe that a few of us rushed to the local shopping market to get tickets, so this evening we will be enjoying some lovely live music and intermingling with some more locals! 

I have nothing to complain about! LIfe is GREAT and I am constantly amazed by it. NOt sweating the small stuff has proved to be a beneficial quality that I am trying to live out, and it has made life just that much more enjoyable.

Miss you all at home, hope everyone is healthy and happy!

Ciao for now!

Peace  

Random Thoughts from my scattered mind!

My South African Inspired View.......

To be perfectly honest I am scared to go home.  I have had this feeling a million times before as I have been extremely fortunate to travel the world in the past, but this travel experience seems to have made a different impact on me, and coming home seems more of a chore then anything.  It is hard to leave once this has become home more then I could have ever anticipated. 

Perhaps I feel that it is a chore because I feel that it is my duty as a “learner” to go back home and fill everyone in on the importance of exposing your self and learning about different cultures. Making sense of differences in order to gain a better perception on your own life.  It is my responsibility to take charge of my new values and make them life long.  I want to stay abroad, but not just to be abroad, but to make my lifestyle more permanent from within. More then anything I am scared to fall into my old lifestyle and ways and not change what I know needs to be done. I truly want to embody my new ideas and values, but I think that it will be a challenge seeing I will be surrounded by some who do not necessarily share the same ideas. However, being a leader is supposed to be a challenge and no one said that was easy.  I know that life is a challenge, and I have always enjoyed it more and more as the days go on! MOre then anything it is important yo challenge our people. 

Part of the reason why I am so scared to go home, is unlike anyone in this program I do not have the cushion of being a student and going back to the University.  Even though being a student can be hard at times, you still have the excuse of being a “student”, do you know what i mean? It makes things seem so much harder, real and challenging without the University to back me up.  I love learning, and most of all learning from other students, and I am afraid of not expanding my personal self.  I’m scared of just settling for something that that is not extreme, I am scared of not being able to live and work abroad.  I think that I know deep down that I wont be happy unless I have that international scratch itched, but nevertheless it is a daunting thing to think about. 

I want to find a way to adjust my life and daily activity so as to keep South Africa close to my heart and way to live.  It can be as small as breaking into song and dance after eating a fulfilling meal made from love, or being more conscious about my actions so as to be a part of greater social change.  I want to walk through life withholding judgments and leading with an open heart.  I want to be able to vocalize my values, engage in meaningful conversation, experience the potential unwanted, learn from different cultures, expand my meaning of family, and TRAVEL until I can’t anymore. I want to be an inspiration to my peers and family and mentors at home to get their and expand their global perspective and perhaps spark interest for sharing the same passion of exploring the world!  I no longer want to be skeptical, and exist for other people as well as myself. I want to be strong but South Africa has made me an emotional person that I did not even know was within me. 

Above all I do not want to live confined by the American social norms or be dictated my definitions.  I don’t want to live an ordinary life.....but ordinary is a relative term!

I want my life to to echo a never ending connect the dot drawing, that involves the entire world. 

peace for now  

How do we get to a greater good?

So I know that I have not been blogging for a while, but such is life.  I just want to quick update you all on just a small part of a HUGE experience that I currently am still trying to process.

~ We left for our township work and stay on Monday, not even knowing how  much this would impact us and shape the rest of our experience. 

~ We had an array of speakers giving talks on subjects from HIV/AIDS, apartheid, community, township life, family and life

~ The early afternoons were primarily filled with service projects.  We went and made food and played santa with some children at a woman named Pricilla’s house, volunteered at a school that provides assistance to children with special needs, and tutored kids in the rainbow after-school program. 

~ Lunch every day consisted of huge amounts of homemade food, and these fried dinner rolls that everyone consumed in mass quantities. 

~ Each evening we would be transported to different host mother’s houses and have home made potluck style dinner with all of our new mommas.  It also was practically mandatory for an after dinner dance party with everyone. 

~ Late evening me and Laurie would go bak with momma Tete and have after dinner tea and chat and get to know our mom and sister, make sense of culture, share stories and get cozy in our new homes. 

That is just a very brief explanation of my last life changing week! This past week and challenged me, strengthened me, created realities, broke down expectations, scared me and above all filled me with love and passion that I never knew I could have! 

On Tuesday morning we as a group organized the mass amount of donations that all of us students acquired from our extra suitcases. The huge piles of clothing, medical supplies, school materials grew so large that we all were just gitty with excitement.  Later in the afternoon we participated in house visits to donate some of the items, and the gratitude and appreciation that was expressed from the community could move mountains. It blew my mind that something as small as a few pair of socks could provoke tears from some families. Some of these people are literally living in shacks and nothing but a small tarp provides a roof for them, so you can imagine what these items mean to this community. For me it is hard to think of anything to complain about when I see the conditions that this community lives through everyday. 

  Tuesday was the first time I started to understand the harsh and somewhat scary realities of HIV/AIDS in South Africa. I am learning to invite and embrace the unwanted realities and accept them as truth. Above all I have realized that HIV/AIDS within this community has a direct relationship with the severe state of poverty. Whether it is not having the resources or abilities to get tested or educated about the pandemic, or the disease already has manifested to a point where children are left parent-less  or homeless.  The government also provides a grant for those whose blood cell count is too low as a result of the progression of the disease and some purposely get their count low or infect themselves to to get money to just live! To be perfectly honest HIV/AIDS in South Africa did not become such an extreme issue until 1994 and then it spread like wild fire and the community has not yet been able to recuperate from the devastation. No matter what we can not deny the fact that HIV/AIDS is a big problem here (at least in the eyes of an American) Many of the community treat the disease as a simple flu, and if you have it then no big deal, but what is failed to be acknowledged is the fact that the spread of it can and should be minimized and the power to do this can lay in our hands and be as simple as providing an education to specifically address the issue. HIV/AIDS is more then a health crisis, it is a social issue and injustice more then anything. 

I am inspired by one of our speaker Yvonne. She does a lot of the JL Zwane community center and even though her job is difficult I do not think I heard her ever complain once. I want to be a hand holder, and find a way to give what I am capable of, listen when it’s time to not speak, withhold judgments, and make sure that I can look to the next day with hope and help even just one person to do the same.  This is just one step towards the greater change I want to be a part of. 

I have a lot more to say, but am fighting to keep my tired eyes open and have to be up at 5 in the morning tomorrow. I am really looking forward to sharing a bottle of wine and verbally expressing these experiences as it is hard to convey the extreme emotions that are attached to them!

all my love

peace

 

living life as imagined!

the less we say about it the better, make it up as we go along. feet on the ground, head in the sky, it's ok i know nothing's wrong...I got plenty of time, you got light in your eyes and you're standing here beside me. i love the passing of time, never for money, always for love, cover up and say goodnight

So here are a few pictures in no particular order that I thought you might enjoy!

Just a few of the animals that I we saw on our frigid Safari!

Our lovely host mother Tete!

Our first night going to see live music in South Africa, and with one of our lecturers...priceless

Group shot at the winery

Our super sweet and smart host sister

A roasted "smiley"....apparently a South African delicacy 

Glad to see that protected sex is promoted even in the elementary schools!

Just a few of the children that we helped with some of the collected donations

My new soulmate friend Kate...after a long night of bar hopping I came across an elephant made out of Castle...you know I was happy

Finally on a random note South Africa is consumed with a ton of penguins....pretty cute!

These are just a few pictures, but I thought that it was a tease to not share some of them..hope you enjoy

peace

Is this really my LIfe?????

The Webster dictionary defines community as a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.  These past few days I have been fortunate enough to finally get some time in the Township community of Gugulethu 

This has been the experience that I was looking forward to the most, and to be honest it completely wiped out all of my expectations that I has and blew my mind like you would not believe.  On Sunday we were able to go to the community center and meet all of our host families and attend a traditional church service.  For me it was more of a spiritual experience rather then a religious one and turned out to be a very moving experience. With such hardships an outlet such as church really serves and a communal building experience and place for people to gather and enjoy them selves. 

Today we had our first full day in the township and some incredible speakers to give meaning of their life and what it is like to build a community in SOuth Africa. The Reverend from the community center had some pretty moving words about what community means and trying to make social change.  More then anything I have come to realize that change happens solely with me and in-order to make a difference that I want so badly I have to do it entirely myself and take personal responsibility and then along the way I will find people to support me and work side by side. 

We have been talking a lot about the racial issues that South Africa has and currently experienced but have not touched on the HIV and AIDS issue that make this program and experience unique.  On the other hand we also have to understand that HIV/AIDS is an interwoven issue and to not be afraid to ask questions with the people that we will be working with for the next week. 

This afternoon we were able to get involved with the entire township.  We also got to form relationships with some of the children in the Rainbow program at the JL Zwane community center and help assist in some learning activities.  MOre then anything I am overwhelmed with the extreme hospitality and sincerity of everyone we have been able to work with! Again I am constantly reminded that this is a learning experience and am happy to say that this more more then an enriching experience.

Wish I had the patience to write more, but I am constantly getting distracted by everyone and the discussion that is forever flowing. Unfortunalty I will not have time to get on the computer for the next week as we are moving into the townships and will not have internet access and will be filling out days full with service projects and forming relationships with people of the community. 

sending my love from the other side of the world!

peace

p.s. i will upload a picture blog when I get the chance