“ children will play in the streets loving everyone they meet,
open hearts will be the rhythm of day.
neighbors will greet each other,
sisters, brothers; even enemies will come to be friends-
I can’t wait to be there in line.”
I am having an internal dilemma with my current situation. After being done with school and having studied abroad three different times you would think I would have some clarity in my life, when the reality of the situation is I could not be more confused. I am confused about my next steps, confused why I just spent 100$ on gifts for people that are not even necessary, confused how I will be able to live out my passions and just life in general.
I am also confused about South Africa. For the most part we have been given everything on a silver platter, I mean we even have been fortunate enough to have our own personal taxi service, housekeepers as well the most hospital group of people I have even met. We have been exposed to the not so pretty aspects as well, but even then in the Townships we were treated as royalty. I have felt challenged to think in a way that I never have before, but wish that I would have been challenged to get out into the community more often. I guess this should have been something that I sought out for myself, but it is hard, when at times you feel pressure to be with a large group. I also am realizing a strong difference between white South Africa and black South Africa, as I spend more times in shopping areas, heading out to bars and my time in the Township as well. THis is a difference is something that is hard to accept even though it is basically slapping you in the face all of the time.
I wanted so badly to stay so I could do some of those things that you can’t do when you are constantly surrounded by a group of Americans as well are limited by a 3 week period. Unfortunately I have been in a constant conflict with STA, (so much for being a helpful student travel agency) and seeing that we are booked on a group flight, it is hard to get anything different. I know that I will come back to South Africa, I know that I have some unfinished business here and more exploring that I need to do. Ouma at inter-study made me think that I really could build a life here, I want so badly to try and do that. I want to be able to help get young people to do some of the exact same things that I have done, and really convey the value of travel and culture. This has become a passion of mine.
Today in class we had an emotional filled conversation that ended up focusing on the differences between a personal passion and personal interest. Some felt that they were completely different qualities while I may have thought that they were intertwined. Either way, we did agree that a passion was a way of life and putting your all into that action. Some through the terms around loosely while others felt intense emotion with them. Aaron (our teacher) did a good job of throwing out different questions and we all felt genuinely challenged when putting our passions, abilities and lack there of, into words. I can not lie that I have been constantly challenged to personal reflect and put to words my passions, cares, wants and future work for when I get back. I now am trying to figure out a way to live out these answers that I have been coming up with as life goes on while back in the States.
I feel like I have been repeating my self a lot in these blogs, but it is the only way to make all of my ideas become a reality.
Currently we only have two more days left here in South Africa, hard to believe!! These last few days consist of classroom work, traditional African meals, a grill out with some of the greatest people we have met here in South Africa, intense emotion, packing and getting ready for over 24 hours of travel time back home!
I have a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I finish my time here, but more sweet then anything. I can’t say it enough, but I am excited to sit down and have conversations with all of my friends and families about this wonderful place on earth.
ciao for now
peace
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