Random Thoughts from my scattered mind!

My South African Inspired View.......

To be perfectly honest I am scared to go home.  I have had this feeling a million times before as I have been extremely fortunate to travel the world in the past, but this travel experience seems to have made a different impact on me, and coming home seems more of a chore then anything.  It is hard to leave once this has become home more then I could have ever anticipated. 

Perhaps I feel that it is a chore because I feel that it is my duty as a “learner” to go back home and fill everyone in on the importance of exposing your self and learning about different cultures. Making sense of differences in order to gain a better perception on your own life.  It is my responsibility to take charge of my new values and make them life long.  I want to stay abroad, but not just to be abroad, but to make my lifestyle more permanent from within. More then anything I am scared to fall into my old lifestyle and ways and not change what I know needs to be done. I truly want to embody my new ideas and values, but I think that it will be a challenge seeing I will be surrounded by some who do not necessarily share the same ideas. However, being a leader is supposed to be a challenge and no one said that was easy.  I know that life is a challenge, and I have always enjoyed it more and more as the days go on! MOre then anything it is important yo challenge our people. 

Part of the reason why I am so scared to go home, is unlike anyone in this program I do not have the cushion of being a student and going back to the University.  Even though being a student can be hard at times, you still have the excuse of being a “student”, do you know what i mean? It makes things seem so much harder, real and challenging without the University to back me up.  I love learning, and most of all learning from other students, and I am afraid of not expanding my personal self.  I’m scared of just settling for something that that is not extreme, I am scared of not being able to live and work abroad.  I think that I know deep down that I wont be happy unless I have that international scratch itched, but nevertheless it is a daunting thing to think about. 

I want to find a way to adjust my life and daily activity so as to keep South Africa close to my heart and way to live.  It can be as small as breaking into song and dance after eating a fulfilling meal made from love, or being more conscious about my actions so as to be a part of greater social change.  I want to walk through life withholding judgments and leading with an open heart.  I want to be able to vocalize my values, engage in meaningful conversation, experience the potential unwanted, learn from different cultures, expand my meaning of family, and TRAVEL until I can’t anymore. I want to be an inspiration to my peers and family and mentors at home to get their and expand their global perspective and perhaps spark interest for sharing the same passion of exploring the world!  I no longer want to be skeptical, and exist for other people as well as myself. I want to be strong but South Africa has made me an emotional person that I did not even know was within me. 

Above all I do not want to live confined by the American social norms or be dictated my definitions.  I don’t want to live an ordinary life.....but ordinary is a relative term!

I want my life to to echo a never ending connect the dot drawing, that involves the entire world. 

peace for now